The Curse of The Micropenised Cop

[OILERMAN]

A little bit of comedy and hyperbole but still a pretty accurate description of some of the problems with the police

 

http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/13647/the-curse-of-the-micropenised-cop/

 

humanity makes all kinds of silly mistakes, but one of our best and most prominent jokes is that of the American Policeman.

 

Let’s just start with their title, Policeman. ?Police? is actually Latin for “small dick.” So when you put it all together, these are just small dicked men. 

 

All cop costumes come equipped with a cool utility belt with lots of bells and whistles. Radios for when they get lonely, flashlights for when scared of the dark, pepper-spray for the elderly, tasers for the women, guns for minorities, and billy clubs for when the shame of having a small dick becomes too pressing to internalize. And the most important accessory is the badge. It’s basically a no hit backs card for grown-ups! It’s like an imaginary force field that makes it very, very inconvenient for anyone to treat you the way you are treating them.

 

The Posture: For a good time, you should study a cop’s mannerisms when either securing a crime scene, directing traffic, or patrolling a state fair. Then, go to a local playground and ask any child to act like a tough guy. You will see the same stiff back, squinted eyes, tightened lips, with the hands affixed to the belt, gazing upon all they lord over. Basically, a cop’s idea of a macho man is the same idea as a child’s.

 

The Motivation: No one asks for a badge and gun in order in order to make the world a better place. Nobody wants the blood the downtrodden on their knuckles in order to clean up one’s city. That’s not how do-gooders operate. Do-gooders enlist in the peace-corps, practice law pro bono, educate children, or pour vegetable soup into a hobo’s knapsack while reciting poetry about trees. Men who become cops generally do so from deep seated feelings of inadequacy and frustration…and the fact that their micro-wieners urinate on their balls all the time. And as the bible says, ?the burden of the piss-stained gonads be heavy. That burden can only be unleashed via removing peoples’ civil rights, one false police report at a time. 

 

What they do/don’t do: If someone breaks into your car, vandalizes your business, robs you at gunpoint, or poisons your ocelot, you shouldn’t even waste your time calling a cop. In between fixing your window, painting over gang signs, canceling your credit cards, and giving CPR to a comatose jungle cat, you’ll also have to deal with a cop, and that will be worse than all of the aforementioned inconveniences. And there is a 99.9% chance they will not solve your crime. You’ll have to answer pointless questions, endure shitty advice given in a condescending tone, and worry about them framing you for something else while they are inside your house.

[AJClown]

16 minutes ago, OILERMAN said:

 

 

Let’s just start with their title, Policeman. ?Police? is actually Latin for “small dick.” So when you put it all together, these are just small dicked men. 

What is this bullshit and what is it doing in politics?

[Starkiller]

 

[freakingeek]

Police training sux. It needs to be longer and focus more on the psychology aspect as well as crisis management. If they paid more they wouldn't be getting as many idiots that have a respect complex. 

[AJClown]

19 minutes ago, freakingeek said:

Police training sux. It needs to be longer and focus more on the psychology aspect as well as crisis management. If they paid more they wouldn't be getting as many idiots that have a respect complex. 

Police is from the Greek "polis" which means "city", they are city guards or guardians of the city. I don't know where he got his information.

[chef]

2 hours ago, freakingeek said:

Police training sux. It needs to be longer and focus more on the psychology aspect as well as crisis management. If they paid more they wouldn't be getting as many idiots that have a respect complex. 

 

That extends to way too many crucial professions - educational and healthcare workers immediately spring to mind.   But there just isn't enough Not Stupid to go around.

 

Go compare an average primary school teacher in Germany to here.

[CreepingDeath]

17 hours ago, OILERMAN said:

…and the fact that their micro-wieners urinate on their balls all the time. And as the bible says, ?the burden of the piss-stained gonads be heavy.

The whole thing is great - but this part is just poetry!

17 hours ago, OILERMAN said:

or poisons your ocelot, you shouldn’t even waste your time calling a cop. In between fixing your window, painting over gang signs, canceling your credit cards, and giving CPR to a comatose jungle cat,

...and then the absurdity reaches a new high!  

 

Bravo for this find.